Knowing the Demon

There have been times when my lack of confidence, coupled with doubts over the uncertain future of a career in writing, have caused me to question whether I'm doing the right thing; spending huge amounts of my savings on my continued education. Am I being silly, entertaining the pipe dream that I will ever succeed at this game? Worse am I being foolish investing in myself; It's not like my track record, littered with so many almost achievements, hollow awards, and abandoned projects demonstrates a strong future. Heck, why am I investing in this MA at all, when I could resurrect one of half a dozen worthy projects with the fees, let alone the money I am not earning for want of full time commitment to my job.

I'll tell you why; it has nothing to do with money, or career, and it is not because I want fame. Love it or hate it, deep down in some primal part of me, my soul, if you will, it is what I'm driven to do. I didn't make me this way, I think it made itself, or was there to begin with. I simply picked up the skills to be able to feed it's hunger as I went through life. Prior to starting the course, I didn't truly comprehend this essential part of my nature, because over the years I had created many mechanisms to contain it, without knowing what it was.

It wasn't until I began to write properly; freely, for the need of it, for myself; that I started to truly know and understand. And now, the demon is free; there is no going back. I fear for my future and look forward with excitement. Poor Pandora, I know how she must have felt.